Today is a hard day....

This image speaks volumes to me, especially today. Today would have been our son Perry’s due date. 

I have had a mix of emotions during all of this. Sadness for the son we have lost and guilt for not always being able to open my heart as freely as I believe I should to the little one I am carrying now. Not because I do not love her, but because of the fear of allowing myself to letting all that love in again and then haven’t it taken away. 

I think that’s why this image means so much. It reminds me that our little angel Perry will always be with us and watching out for his little sister.

I have written so many posts about my feelings and thoughts as I have gone on this journey. Pouring my heart and soul out again and again in hopes that somehow it would all make sense. Every single one I wrote with thoughts of posting (maybe to help someone else going through this) but in the end always keeping them private. Maybe one day I will be able to share them, but for now I am not ready. 

The only thing I can share is that I am just trying to take each day as it comes and to celebrate every mile stone or goal. No matter how small it maybe.